I remember walking across my college campus in England with one of my mentors from Campus Crusade for Christ called Martin Riddall. He and I talked a lot about ministry with a specific focus on making disciples. And I’ll never forget what he said to me as we walked passed one of the lakes on campus. “Andy, the most important disciple-making job you’ll ever have is when you are a parent.”

Parenting is one of the ways in which we are to fulfil the Great Commission to “Go and make disciples…” Parenting is disciple-making.

This thought was reiterated to me over this last summer as some men in the church got together to study a book called, “The Masculine Mandate,” which had two chapters devoted to this whole idea of viewing parenting as disciple-making.

The bible has many things to say about parenting, especially in the book of Proverbs, but one verse sums up the bible’s teaching on the cry of a disciple-making parent. “My son, give me your heart.” (Proverbs 23:26). According to the bible, the heart of a person is their inner person, including the thoughts, desires, attitudes and the will of that person.

Our primary call shouldn’t be, “My son, give me your obedience,” because we can just encourage a false outward obedience without the heart ever being connected to us. Neither should our call be, “My son, give me your attendance,” thinking that just because you force your children to church and kids or youth camp that Christianity will rub off on them.

Our children are going to give their hearts and passions to something. Whether that be academics, sports, relationships or whatever. But ultimately we want to have our children’s hearts so that we can pass it on to Jesus.

In The Masculine Mandate book, the author gives four habits to get into to help win your child’s heart.

Read, Pray, Work, Play

Read
The primary role of the pastoring parent is teaching their children the word of God. God’s word is living and active. It is the only thing that can transform hearts and minds and it draws us closer to God.

This doesn’t mean parents have to bible scholars. But they should be willing to open up the bible or some bible devotion book and read it to and with their kids. And if you’re worried that you might not know an answer to your kid’s question, then that’s ok. Finding out the answer with them will be a great example of how they too can grow in their faith in the future.

There are lots of great resources out there. We currently use the “One Year Bible Devotions for Preschoolers” with our 3-year old daughter. And there are great resources for all age levels both for family and personal devotional time.

Pray
Prayer is ultimately an act of dependence on God and this is exactly the attitude we want to pass onto our kids as disciple-making parents. We want them to rely on God 100%. This is a great way to connect with the hearts of our children. We can pray for the things that are worrying them and the struggles they are going through. This of course means we need to know these things –  but this is a great way to build that relationship with your children.

But this is a two-way street. You can also ask your kids to pray for you. They don’t need to know all the adult details of life, but you can ask them to pray for you if you have difficult decisions to make at work for example, or if you are feeling sick.

Work
Working alongside someone to accomplish a common goal is one of the best way to build experiences together and therefore to build relationships together. This means that we should get involved with whatever tasks are before them. From helping with schoolwork to practicing free throws or baton twirls, we should take a keen interest in whatever our child is working on in their lives.

But again, this is a two way street. We can also involve our kids in the work we are doing. This isn’t so much in our 9-5 employment but in our work around the home and our chores. From yard work, to cleaning, to fixing the shower – we can involve our kids in what we’re doing so as to build that relationship. And don’t just give them a chore and have them do it – do it with them. Yes it will take more time, but you will be winning the heart of your child.

There is a note stuck to the front of one of our kitchen cabinets which reads, “Fat souls are better than clean floors.” Our 3-year old enjoys cooking dinner with us – we obviously only let her do tasks that are appropriate for a 3-year old to do. But cooking with a 3-year old girl is quite a messy affair (as can be cooking with a 29 year old man). But the mess is well worth it because we are building that relationship with her and winning her heart.

Play
Parents should play with their children. This means stooping to their level and getting involved with whatever they are playing. From being a patient in a doctor’s surgery to being a horse on a ranch to being a fellow earth protector on some video game, you will grow a great relationship with your children by playing with them and being interested in what they are interested in.

This also means that you can invite them into your “playtime” too. If you are a sports fan, invite your kids into your passion. If you fix cars, teach your kids how to do it and do it with them. If you make quilts, do it with your kids. Whatever you do, you are going to work at winning your kid’s heart if you do it with them.

To Sum It All Up
We are to win the hearts of our children. And we can do that if we intentionally find ways to read, pray, work and play with them. This obviously takes time but this is the role our heavenly Father calls us to as parents. We should be willing to sacrifice our time and our own hobbies, past times and even of our careers for the sake of their hearts. But it’s also one of the greatest privileges we get as well.

Maybe you’ve read this and you’re encouraged because you can see that you are already doing these things. Then I encourage you to do them with greater intentionality.

But maybe you’re reading this and you have no idea where to start. If you have younger kids, then start doing something small in each of these areas. And grow the activities as your kids grow. But if your kids are older, then why not try them in reverse. Start by finding ways to “play” with your kids. Get involved in what they are involved in and invite them into your activities if they are at all interested. Then a bit later on, start being involved positively in their “work”. Don’t just set high academic expectations and leave them to it. Get stuck in with them and help them learn. And let them work alongside you as well. As your relationship deepens, begin to pray with them, asking them about their concerns and struggles. And as you pray, begin to open up the bible with them and show them how God wants to be involved in their lives and to use them for His purposes and glory.

Resources

The Masculine Mandate

One Year Bible Devotions for Preschoolers

The Jesus Storybook Bible

The Good Book Company
This website has lots of great bible study resources for individuals of all ages and families too.